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City of San Francisco declares baby powder, milk, egg whites and soap to be symbols of white supremacy


The San Francisco city council has voted 12 - 0 in favor of a resolution that acknowledges that baby powder, milk, egg whites and soap are symbols of white supremacy and thus will be completely phased out by 2025. The council members are 'deeply concerned' that these items perpetuate the racism that America was founded on, and they alienate chocolate milk, egg yolks, glycerin soap, and powders of color.


On next week's agenda, the council leaders will consider whether or not to add white rice, garlic, white piano keys, wedding dresses, Maltese dogs and ghosts to the list of offensive items. Tofu was initially placed on the list, but was later struck from the record when a crowd of angry vegetarian soy boys activists disrupted the council meeting for 45 minutes.


Pauly Graf

On his résumé, Pauly claims to be the bastardly baby of Pauly Shore and Steffi Graf. When we asked Pauly Graf to take a lie detector, he refused, and so we hired him. Yeah, we know he doesn't check the diversity box, but wait.... Pauly identifies as being black! So we're good!