Featured STORY**


Henry Ruggs projected to be 1st round draft pick despite deadly DUI crash


The Las Vegas Raiders have released wide receiver Henry Ruggs from their roster after his involvement in a deadly 157 MPH car crash. Ruggs’ NFL career is over for the foreseeable future. But, one league’s trash is another league’s treasure. Sports analysts are projecting Ruggs to be one of the top overall draft picks in the prison football leagues.


Right now quarterbacks are the most sought after players in the California prison system, however Ruggs’ 4.27 forty-yard dash time cannot be ignored, and the fact that his car crash involved a fatality will help him gain acceptance with teammates in the locker room. However, Ruggs is likely only looking at charges of Manslaughter. If he were to be charged with first or second degree murder, that could catapult him to the number one overall pick at a prison like San Quentin. Instead, Ruggs is likely to drop a few picks lower in the draft and land with a team like Corcoran State Prison where less dangerous athletes are incarcerated. If Ruggs gets sentenced to 15 or 20 years, he could be a franchise player for one lucky prison.


Pauly Graf

On his résumé, Pauly claims to be the bastardly baby of Pauly Shore and Steffi Graf. When we asked Pauly Graf to take a lie detector, he refused, and so we hired him. Yeah, we know he doesn't check the diversity box, but wait.... Pauly identifies as being black, so we're good!